February [Stories] 13

Sorry for the delayed post, I know I normally get them out at noon every day but I have had a rather hectic week. But because of my tardiness, I shall tell you a tale of drunken proportions.

I can honestly say I never really drank alcohol until I was 21. Maybe a sip here and there, but I had no real desire to drink growing up. The exception would be my friends 21st birthday, which was only a few days before my 21st birthday, so I don’t count that. I didn’t get drunk anyway.

However, on my 21st birthday my sister of course insisted on taking me out to a favorite bar and I got my first official/legal drink. Pineapple juice and coconut rum. Mmmm. Add a little 7up into the mix and I’d say that its still my favorite drink. Even while drinking it though, it mostly just gave me a headache, it was the same for the handful of bottled drinks I’d had over my 20th year.

But one fateful day, I was asked to get drunk. They had never seen me drunk, because I would hardly drink when we hang out. Seeing as it was a birthday wish for them, I decided to follow through. Now I’m not sure I remember the exact date on this, but I was still 21. I grabbed the ice cold bottle of Captain, and I reluctantly raised it to my lips. I took a deep breath, and took 5 rather large gulps. I was horrified by my decision, but I promised.

I forget what we were really doing at the time, maybe just chit-chatting. But I distinctly remember standing up to go to the bathroom. I stood up, and just like snapping your fingers, the alcohol dropped. Please remember that this is my first time ever being drunk. I knew right off the bat what was going on. I turned to face my friends, and slurred out, “Oh man, you better be ready for some shit.” I then proceeded to go to the bathroom and return.

My body had no real idea what to do with the alcohol that I had just poured down my gullet. So instead of punishing me quickly, it dragged it out. I could practically sense my motor skills leaving one at a time. First it was hand eye coordination. Then went the ability to sit still, I kept leaning on everything, and before I knew it, walking. Over the half hour from my chug, I was getting dumber by the second. I’m a pretty smart person I’d say, I’ve seen things that gave me knowledge. But the first time I was drunk, I realized everyone talks a lot. I’d sit there, trying so hard to listen, because I always listen, but it was a struggle. If I caught the words, I didn’t catch the meaning. If I caught the tone, I didn’t think about the words. If they asked a question, the answer was always pineapple. I. had. lost. my. mind.

People kept asking me things, questions, challenges, etc. I attempted what they asked, but generally failed miserably. Couldn’t barely walk a line, or any of your standard sobriety fare. I can’t say what all went down because for a little bit I’m pretty sure my brain just stopped recording input for a little bit.

After everyone left, I was sitting in my now living room, and all I could think was, “why am I still drunk?” It had been a while since I chugged the captain. A new challenge had happened though. Now I had no help, and I needed to go to bed. Or rather, I desperately wanted to go to bed. I stood up from my stool. Felt the world tilt, and over I went. I do not give up easily though, so I got up off the floor, and ever so slowly walked to the bathroom. Every step I kept yelling at myself, “RIGHT FOOT. NOW LEFT FOOT.” I had never had to give verbal commands to move before. I went to the bathroom easily, and walked up my stairs on all fours. Ya know, exactly as a child would do. I laid in my bed and got super cozy.

Thankfully the world was not spinning anymore. I pack mule carried up 3 bottled waters in my hoodie to save my life in the morning. I’m glad I did, because I woke up with one hell of a headache. First real hangover, and it was a killer. I didn’t get drunk again for quite some time, but I assure of you, there are more drunken tales to come in the future.

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